............"I'll know what i think when i see what i say" -- graham wallas............
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just when i wanted to keep a memory of my 'pondering by chance', i found an avenue to share, if not view alone, what runs in my mind AS LIFE GOES ON.somewhere over the rainbow
not too long ago, i started to see the rainbow as bright, not gloomy.
this is how it happened..
we're six children in the family, and i have no qualms in saying that i am my parents' favorite. i wish i can say that it is because i'm the prettiest (nahh.. my elder sister happens to be a few baths fairer!!! grrr...), or that i am the smartest (my younger brother continues to show us how he is surviving the economy with flying colors even though unarmed with a masteral degree).
it is clear to all that i am the star of the clan because i was -- still am -- such a sickly creature who is a potential '911' subject. :-(
i grew up having regular visits to the hospital that i actually thought we were related to our doctor so we need to see him every so often for 'bonding'.
that is why when i got married, i was almost sure that i would have medical issues in my dream to have a child. true enough, 7 doctors (who were the most popular, most 'expensive' in my country of birth) had the same diagnosis on me : "we don't see a chance for you to be a mother, sorry."
i felt so sad at one point and cried a river... too much, that i could have probably filled up an olympic-sized swimming pool had i gathered all my tears in buckets!
after awhile, the heavens cried with me, it seems. it allowed life to find a way..
one afternoon, i got stuck in terrible traffic because of heavy rains. it was taking too long, and i needed a bathroom break so i stopped at the nearest corner, parked and rushed inside this tall building which i assumed would have clean toilets. after relieving myself, i decided to take a short nap at an inviting bench, as traffic is still at its worse outside. just a few minutes into my relaxation, the door next to my bench opened, and a lady told me, " the doctor is free to see you now, ma'am". i looked around and realized that i was in a hospital extension where all the doctors' clinics are; and that i am right outside an ob-gyne's office. this lady thought i was there for checkup?!
i told her that i left my purse in the car so i'll cancel my visit to the doctor for now. she quickly answered, "no fee on initial consultation". duh!!!!
i didn't have the face to tell the lady that i only had a need to use the bathroom, and that i now want to simply abuse their nice comfy bench outside, so ok, i went through the motion and met the gynecologist alright. it's free anyway.
the doctor was a very optimistic person, who would not give me false hopes but would neither tell me that my fate is decided by medical technology alone. i remember being told the most magical words ever: "God and your faith will always play a part on how you see the rainbow - bright or gloomy."
all i did from then on was believe.. hold on to my faith.. and it turned out, the doctor was right..
despite my poor health and struggling condition, after 7 doctors saying that mine is an impossible dream, with continued consultation, and a lot of prayers, i conceived.
it was not an easy pregnancy, as i was bedridden for the most part of it due to frequent bleeding. neither was it exactly joyful because i have been given several warnings from test results that my baby would either have physical deformities, or be mentally incapacitated.
but the doctor's words never made me lose hope:"God and your faith will always play a part on how you see the rainbow - bright or gloomy."
today, i write this story with tears of happiness as i recall how faith has taken my dream to reality..i gave birth to a beautiful angel. she's a ballerina since age 3; she's healthy and sporty; she's consistently on top of her class; she has no deformities.
we're six children in the family, and i have no qualms in saying that i am my parents' favorite. i wish i can say that it is because i'm the prettiest (nahh.. my elder sister happens to be a few baths fairer!!! grrr...), or that i am the smartest (my younger brother continues to show us how he is surviving the economy with flying colors even though unarmed with a masteral degree).
it is clear to all that i am the star of the clan because i was -- still am -- such a sickly creature who is a potential '911' subject. :-(
i grew up having regular visits to the hospital that i actually thought we were related to our doctor so we need to see him every so often for 'bonding'.
that is why when i got married, i was almost sure that i would have medical issues in my dream to have a child. true enough, 7 doctors (who were the most popular, most 'expensive' in my country of birth) had the same diagnosis on me : "we don't see a chance for you to be a mother, sorry."
i felt so sad at one point and cried a river... too much, that i could have probably filled up an olympic-sized swimming pool had i gathered all my tears in buckets!
after awhile, the heavens cried with me, it seems. it allowed life to find a way..
one afternoon, i got stuck in terrible traffic because of heavy rains. it was taking too long, and i needed a bathroom break so i stopped at the nearest corner, parked and rushed inside this tall building which i assumed would have clean toilets. after relieving myself, i decided to take a short nap at an inviting bench, as traffic is still at its worse outside. just a few minutes into my relaxation, the door next to my bench opened, and a lady told me, " the doctor is free to see you now, ma'am". i looked around and realized that i was in a hospital extension where all the doctors' clinics are; and that i am right outside an ob-gyne's office. this lady thought i was there for checkup?!
i told her that i left my purse in the car so i'll cancel my visit to the doctor for now. she quickly answered, "no fee on initial consultation". duh!!!!
i didn't have the face to tell the lady that i only had a need to use the bathroom, and that i now want to simply abuse their nice comfy bench outside, so ok, i went through the motion and met the gynecologist alright. it's free anyway.
the doctor was a very optimistic person, who would not give me false hopes but would neither tell me that my fate is decided by medical technology alone. i remember being told the most magical words ever: "God and your faith will always play a part on how you see the rainbow - bright or gloomy."
all i did from then on was believe.. hold on to my faith.. and it turned out, the doctor was right..
despite my poor health and struggling condition, after 7 doctors saying that mine is an impossible dream, with continued consultation, and a lot of prayers, i conceived.
it was not an easy pregnancy, as i was bedridden for the most part of it due to frequent bleeding. neither was it exactly joyful because i have been given several warnings from test results that my baby would either have physical deformities, or be mentally incapacitated.
but the doctor's words never made me lose hope:"God and your faith will always play a part on how you see the rainbow - bright or gloomy."
today, i write this story with tears of happiness as i recall how faith has taken my dream to reality..i gave birth to a beautiful angel. she's a ballerina since age 3; she's healthy and sporty; she's consistently on top of her class; she has no deformities.
