............"I'll know what i think when i see what i say" -- graham wallas............
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just when i wanted to keep a memory of my 'pondering by chance', i found an avenue to share, if not view alone, what runs in my mind AS LIFE GOES ON.it is God's
my only child wants a baby sister and a baby brother. well, one will do, but if i want to meet her minimum requirement, twins it is. gender isn’t much of an issue; basta she wants a baby in the house. now.
i told her that it would take months to see that through, if at all i can make it happen. ok, please buy me first, she said. as if babies are munchkins that i can acquire in dozens?! my dear, i'm not even a baker..
from birth, all of kyle’s requests (so far) have been manageable – carry me, mommy; i want milk; bubble bath, please; let’s go to Disneyland; may i have another barbie; ice cream! ice cream!
suddenly, another child? oh me , oh my.. i’m not exactly sure i’m ready to support this requisition. if only there’s nothing more to it other than the full-time job of fighting with a growing up kid.. i’m not referring to the postpartum deppression worsened by changing wardrobe because nothing, not even stockings, would fit my body curves for awhile.
and this isn’t about not blinking an eye from sunset to sunrise while hopelessly trying to stop the baby from exercising such powerful vocal chords.
with much sincerity i did enjoy all that. i love playing mother. there are no words enough to describe the joys of parenthood, albeit having to rearrange your life and change priorities.
my hesitation stems from recalling the first time, when it entailed me a year of meeting one doctor after another – more often than my trips to the grocery.. then when i was already in that interesting stage, there was the need to appreciate whatever is showing on television the whole day because i’m in bed for 7 months – sometimes at home, sometimes in the hospital -- to stop profuse bleeding. oh, how i almost got traumatized with the number of times i nearly lost the baby.. i falter with the thought that sacrifices are not mine alone in this quest. the baby feels the adversities, too. of course the doctor could be wrong, but having given the advance notice that subsequent pregnancies may be just as intense, i don't think i want to push my luck a second time. if it comes, it comes; if it doesn’t, thank God that i, at least, have one who makes sure that my patience is put to a test on a daily basis.
come to think of it, why should i worry, have i forgotten that it was when i missed following a doctor’s order that i finally had kyle, healthy and bubbly at that! it was the help of divine intervention that i was too impatient to see coming.
so, that’s it.. unlike before, i’m not bent on challenging the wonders of medicine again. this time, we’ll let fate take its course, not forgetting to pray that: first, john is willing and able to ‘father’ another kid -- you know, emotionally as well as financially. second, that the kid which john will father is also my kid. i mean, geesh.. we ought to make sure we don’t have a third party’s participation in this pursuit! hmmmpppp…
all told, the big guy in heaven has his plans. we can wish and wish all day, but that’s about all we can do, kyle; for just like munckins are made perfectly by bakers only, to produce children is not a couple’s choice; it is God’s.
a s l i f e g o e s o n..
i told her that it would take months to see that through, if at all i can make it happen. ok, please buy me first, she said. as if babies are munchkins that i can acquire in dozens?! my dear, i'm not even a baker..
from birth, all of kyle’s requests (so far) have been manageable – carry me, mommy; i want milk; bubble bath, please; let’s go to Disneyland; may i have another barbie; ice cream! ice cream!
suddenly, another child? oh me , oh my.. i’m not exactly sure i’m ready to support this requisition. if only there’s nothing more to it other than the full-time job of fighting with a growing up kid.. i’m not referring to the postpartum deppression worsened by changing wardrobe because nothing, not even stockings, would fit my body curves for awhile.
and this isn’t about not blinking an eye from sunset to sunrise while hopelessly trying to stop the baby from exercising such powerful vocal chords.
with much sincerity i did enjoy all that. i love playing mother. there are no words enough to describe the joys of parenthood, albeit having to rearrange your life and change priorities.
my hesitation stems from recalling the first time, when it entailed me a year of meeting one doctor after another – more often than my trips to the grocery.. then when i was already in that interesting stage, there was the need to appreciate whatever is showing on television the whole day because i’m in bed for 7 months – sometimes at home, sometimes in the hospital -- to stop profuse bleeding. oh, how i almost got traumatized with the number of times i nearly lost the baby.. i falter with the thought that sacrifices are not mine alone in this quest. the baby feels the adversities, too. of course the doctor could be wrong, but having given the advance notice that subsequent pregnancies may be just as intense, i don't think i want to push my luck a second time. if it comes, it comes; if it doesn’t, thank God that i, at least, have one who makes sure that my patience is put to a test on a daily basis.
come to think of it, why should i worry, have i forgotten that it was when i missed following a doctor’s order that i finally had kyle, healthy and bubbly at that! it was the help of divine intervention that i was too impatient to see coming.
so, that’s it.. unlike before, i’m not bent on challenging the wonders of medicine again. this time, we’ll let fate take its course, not forgetting to pray that: first, john is willing and able to ‘father’ another kid -- you know, emotionally as well as financially. second, that the kid which john will father is also my kid. i mean, geesh.. we ought to make sure we don’t have a third party’s participation in this pursuit! hmmmpppp…
all told, the big guy in heaven has his plans. we can wish and wish all day, but that’s about all we can do, kyle; for just like munckins are made perfectly by bakers only, to produce children is not a couple’s choice; it is God’s.
a s l i f e g o e s o n..
